Shamed…no more.

The closer May 24th comes, the more I am forced to revisit parts of the past I wish would disappear. A past filled with feelings of worthlessness and insecurity, deceit and failure. I want to run from my past, from May 24th and from any moment up until then associated with the day my divorce will be finalized.

“Fear not, you will no longer live in shame. Don’t be afraid; there is no more disgrace for you. You will no longer remember the shame of your youth…” Isaiah 54:4

Hear this, I feel released from my marriage and I am ready for it to be done. And I’m not overly concerned about the end result. I have my faith firmly planted in God to know however it turns out will be His Will for my life and I am okay with that.

And during this, I refuse to “fight”. I refuse to live in the calamity a divorce can drive through the lives of so many people. I refuse for it to distract me from God’s path.

But I also refuse to do nothing. God helps those willing to help themselves, which means I must face this and deal with it.

But when I do, I deal with my actions that contributed to the failing of my marriage. When I think of who I was and my part, I feel deep shame and disappointment with myself.

“Fear not, you will no longer live in shame…” Isaiah 54:4

Forgiveness comes much easier to me when I am forgiving you for your wrong doings. When it comes to forgiving myself, I still feel unworthy. And that allows satan a stronghold to strip me of any self-worth I’ve built. But who am I not to forgive myself if God can?

Over the next 2 months, I will have to continually revisit this area and will have to feverishly push back against feeling broken and unworthy. But I know I can do this, because God is my strength and I am not that person any longer. I don’t have to live in shame, fear or disgrace any longer. And I know this because God Himself told me.

“Fear not, you will no longer live in shame. Don’t be afraid; there is no more disgrace for you. You will no longer remember the shame of your youth…” Isaiah 54:4

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