I’ve been ask the question over and over, how do I know God is calling me to Myanmar. As I race out the door this morning to catch my flight (which means this blog is being done rushed and likely will not be my best writing – please offer grace), I will do my best to share how I knew I was to go on this trip. God was very clear, which means He has a clear purpose for it.
Missions aren’t new to me. I have taken missions trips before – in the states and abroad…and my first trip to Mexico was met with some fears common to what I have now, but there was some familiarity with the people. Also the fact that you could drive to Mexico offered some sort of comfort. Don’t get me wrong – those trips were definitely uncomfortable and very stretching for where I was in my journey – but this trip is a whole different ball park.
Asia. Let’s talk about that. In complete transparency.
Today is Oct 31st. It will mark the 4 year anniversary since I was raped. I’ve never liked Halloween, but I really didn’t like this day after this. And my violator was an Indian man. Outside of this experience, I had very little exposure to this culture prior. Since, I have learned a lot about the culture and formed some relationships with some Indian people, but I can’t help that my heart still races when in the presence of an Indian man that I don’t know. Healing in this area has come in greatness, but it’s a journey and I haven’t arrived yet.
Myanmar is located next to India…so let me say this: I just really don’t care to be that close. I hope you understand what I mean.
But God is calling me.
8 weeks ago in making the commitment, I knew I hadn’t had my passport change to my “new” married name…over a year ago. It would cost $110 to get it changed, and 4-6 weeks for processing. I didn’t have the $110 in my budget and would be hard pressed in filing for my visa if they took the full 6 weeks to send it back completed.
God is calling me.
Two friends committed that day to providing financially exactly what I would need to pay for my passport. I kicked around driving to Chicago to have it expedited, but honestly I didn’t want to really go on this trip, so I dropped it in the mail claiming “If God wants me to go, He’ll make it happen with no extra fees or travel.”
God has a sense of humor.
My new passport was in my mailbox within 2 weeks of mailing it out. He’s so funny.
God is calling me.
In September, I posted a blog talking a bit about obedience. The prospected financial cost of this trip was $2,500-$2,800, and was much more than anything I could commit to paying. I am working to build a ministry, but it takes time before an actual paycheck will come in. My husband’s job is enough to financially support our family, but we don’t have that kind of money left over each month.
But God was calling me.
I committed in obedience to go on this trip heeding my own advice to many others: If God calls you, He will provide for you.
I committed knowing God would financially provide, but trying myself to make that provision happen. I made some crafts and paid to be in some bazaars to sell them. Sadly I ended up losing money. It was at the last bazaar – 3 weeks away from the trip and still in need of $2,000 – that I heard God tell me “Stop trying to earn what only I can give you”. Whoa.
My discouragement in trying to “earn” this trip God was calling me on was enough to finally listen to his whisper in my ear.
As I depart, I leave knowing God provided. My trip is fully funded.
God is calling me.
Did I ever write here how close I am to graduating college? This is a big deal for me that I’ve chipped away at on and off for almost 20 years. It’s only a two-year degree, but something no one in my family has ever accomplished. I desire to be this role model for my children.
Math is difficult for me, which is why I had to take 3 grade school math classes in order to get to my college math class. Finishing my third math class in the spring of this year, I was excited to knock out the last class I have in my way of this accomplishment this fall, entitling me to participate in a graduation ceremony in May, 2014.
Except, with the loss of my job over the summer, I couldn’t afford to pay for my last class. I grieved. All logic as to why God was stopping me from taking this one last class surpassed my understanding. And I knew the further away from the building blocks I have done, the harder this last class would be.
I could’ve taken out financial aid or put it on a credit card, but my husband and I weren’t at peace with those options. So we trusted God’s plan.
What I didn’t know at the time – what I know today – is that if I would’ve stepped outside of God’s Will and taken matters in my own hands with this situation, I wouldn’t be going on this trip. A trip that is absolutely God-ordained.
Oh…and I will be able to enroll in that math class, and still graduate in May as planned. Something I never considered in my grieving.
Today I leave on this trip focusing on what’s in front of me and not looking at the family and comforts I’m leaving behind.
Today I’m saying goodbye to a me I can become complacent in and stepping out in faith. I am praying for many things and for many people on this trip. For me I pray for heart transformation.
Everything that happens on this trip is because God wants it. And when I’m in that place, I know I’m in the center of His Will. There is no better place to be.
What is God calling you to? Will you answer or let it go to voicemail?
Many blessings to you,