It’s 4am and I’m awake. I heard crackling. it must have been in my dream, but it was enough to wake me up. Before I could fall back to sleep, discouragement set in, as I realized where I was. Or rather, where I wasn’t.
It’s been 23 sleeps since a fire took us out of our sleep, and out of our home. It seems like so much longer than that. 23 sleeps since I’ve had a really good night of rest. 23 sleeps since I haven’t been forced into making quick decisions filled with uncertainty. 23+ sleeps since I have felt healthy. Life changed instantly in those moments.
Each day I wrestle with discouragement. The process is moving sooooooo slow.
Discouragement is a joy stealer.
I do my best to stay away from the house, because it’s a harder wrestle as I don’t see progress being made. Yesterday I had to stop at the house and afterwards, I told Ben that I wish I knew how God was trying to grow me through this. Ben asked me what I was struggling with, and encouraged me that’s the area God is looking to grow me.
To the human eye, it looks like nothing has progressed with this situation in over two weeks. On paper, two weeks seems so doable. In real life, it feels like so much longer.
“Where were you when I laid the foundations of the earth? Tell me, if you know so much.” – Job 38:4
Trust has always been difficult when I am not looped into the “whys”. Trust is difficult when I don’t understand the situation. Blind faith is difficult.
Blind faith is what God calls us to.
God is always at work on behalf of his children. Always. Keeping focus on that is harder than wallowing in a pity party. But it’s necessary.
Life did change instantly 23 sleeps ago, but it could’ve been worse. Instead of being inconvenienced, I could be grieving the loss of some of my family. Instead of feeling burdened with numerous decisions from picking out a new fireplace, shingles, paint and carpet, I could be burdened figuring out how to manage life as a widow or childless mom.
Perspective is an important choice.
Make no mistake, it IS a choice.
So today, I choose to trust in God’s character. I choose to hang onto Isaiah 40:31 –
“But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength.
They will soar high on wings like eagles.
They will run and not grow weary.
They will walk and not faint.”
I choose God’s truth in the midst of my wrestles.
This situation is beyond my control. I have to walk through it. That is not a choice I have.
My experience along this journey is my choice.
Today I choose gratitude.
***We don’t know how long we’ll be displaced and have really appreciated the home cooked meals provided to us from our friends and family. We’ll continue to add dates to the calendar until we are back home. Please click here if you would like to help us in this way. We are so grateful for all of the love and support we are receiving.***