Facing my own mortality

A spontaneous decision with some friends after church service today led to some relationship building on the motorcycle. Admittedly, I’ve become a bit apprehensive about riding, as death weighs on my mind more than it should. Losing loved ones and unexpected tragedies have made my own mortality very real.

Above the sound of the engine, it’s difficult to hold conversation. We have the standard helmets – no fancy walkie-talkie ability. It provides ample time with my own thoughts. I pray a lot – usually for safety. Sometimes for other things. Always giving gratitude for my husband. There’s something about my body being wrapped around the back of him as he drives that warms my heart and fills me with gratitude. I lay my covered head on his back and squeeze him, as if to hug him. He’s such a blessing to my life.

Normally we ride alone. My husband is very cautious. At every stop sign, it’s two feet down before he proceeds forward. There’s comfort in that for me, as many scenarios of how we’re going to crash have already played out in my mind. I almost always keep these scenarios to myself – during the ride and after. He knows they’re there.

I’ve been working on remembering that my days here on earth were numbered prior to my creation so I can enjoy the moment. It’s important to be cautious, but not to allow fears to overtake me. Sometimes I win; sometimes I lose.

Our friends led most of the ride today. They move faster than I’m used to. My husband’s driving felt different. He was faster; perhaps not as cautious. Not reckless by any stretch of the imagination, but not two feet down at every stop when there was no cars for miles.

I didn’t feel anxious. I was at peace in it. Perhaps I’m growing. Perhaps I’m trusting my Creator more.

Whatever it was, it felt good to my soul.

motorcycle

 

 

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