My mama heart is hurting.

Hurting people hurt people and sometimes I want to lash out.

It’s a humbling time for me. I can only imagine how it feels for my daughter. Basketball is her thing. She’s been “the star” for as long as I can remember. High school led her to three years as the captain, three years of 1st Team All Conference, and senior year as Conference MVP.

I’ve always encouraged her to put her all into ball. It comes naturally for her and she takes pride in it. She loves it and laughs and it’s hers.  When she’s on the court, life isn’t difficult.

Life never came easy for her. From birth, this kid has been a fighter. Born with a low APGAR test, she had a tough time coming into the world. Four months of colic about drove us all nuts. At 9 months old, she was beat up a daycare. A year into her birth, we had to do a tear duct probing; in kindergarten out came her tonsils and adenoids; diagnosed with sleep apnea in 1st grade, as well as a language based learning disorder. She spent 2 years at Sylvan Learning Center to just catch up to grade level.  College was an uncertainty for her.

My daughter has always been a hard worker. She is passionate, and strives to do her best. To have people who encourage her and who remind her to believe in herself is key. The teachers who condemned her for being different never motivated her to her full potential. The teachers who believed in her brought out the best in her – even in math.

Such it is with basketball. With a coach who encourages and believes in her, she steps up to the plate and doesn’t disappoint. A coach who yells and cusses at her deflates her and her full potential is not realized.

Welcome to her freshman year of college.

Adrianna

I’ve attended all of her home basketball games thus far. She has played less than a quarter total, and that was in the first game. I have not seen her play again since. I wrestle with her lack of court time.

When I saw her getting the starters water, embarrassingly I wanted to tell her “Quit serving them! All they will see you as is a water girl!” Thankfully, this was one time I was able to hold my tongue.

As much as my daughter’s lack of play time bothers me, I’m sure it bothers her much more. To say her response to this situation is admirable is an understatement. Basketball is a game, but life is not. All of the play time on the court will not help her in life the way her developed character will. My little girl who is hurting is choosing to serve her teammates in the face of her pain.

I’m humbled.

She could lash out, but she chooses to be Jesus to those around her.

She motivates me to be a person of better character, and that makes my mama heart happy.

 

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